Today, I received an anonymous phone call about a rather large "carpet stain." The man seemed to be out of breath and in hurry. Generally, we advise our callers to wait at the scene of the spill, but this man had other errands to run that day. Clearly he wanted his identity to remain quiet.

 

Here at No Stain No Problem, we don't judge or ask questions. We render our services and head on our way.

This particular assignment took us to Harrison, Idaho. Our client had left quite a mess for the crew to clean up. Billy started collecting the collateral damage and working out his disposal technique. Blair and Jack set to work on cleaning and placing things in their rightful places. Mick took some hairs, closely resembling those of a feline species, down to the police station to start covering our tracks.

 

I set to work on coming up with the cover story. Seeing as the scene took place at a motel, there had already been complaints about disturbances and the local authorities were contacted. We needed a cover. This man had made a mess of this hotel room, stains everywhere, appendages scattered, and clearly there was a scuffle with some kind of animal. Maybe he was mad that the occupant of this room was violating the no pets allowed sign that hung at the front desk? Whatever the reason, I didn't care how or why. I just needed a story that got rid of two men, no questions asked. The local cops were bound to show up eventually, but hopefully Ol' Mick could deter them a little longer.

 

"As of this morning, two men staying at the Harrison motel had gone to the local diner to grab drinks. They consumed an ungodly amount of whiskey and made their way back to their room. Harrison was just a pit stop for them on their journey to Vegas. They had a long road ahead of them and were already sick of each other.FormonthstheyhadbeensavinguptogotoVegasandblow all of their money on gambling and prostitutes.

 

When they got back to their room, they raided the mini fridge, which consisted of a couple airplane bottles of red wine, but before they had the chance to drink them, they got into a heated argument about who should be in charge of the money. They started throwing the bottles at each other and proceeded to grab anything around them. They even dove into their own collection of alcohol. Eventually, both men grew tired from that extra exertion and forgot what they were even arguing about. This whole time, they had accidently left the door open and a stray animal had wandered in. Without knowing, one of the men disturbed the creature causing it to wreak more havoc within the room. Once under control, the men realized what they had done to the hotel room and immediately packed up their stuff, ditched their car and esacped before they were fined and charged with destruction of property. They didn't want to lose any money before getting to Vegas.

 

In their attempt to jump a moving train, both men lost footing and were crushed to death. Their bodies were taken to the local morgue but were so distorted that their faces were unrecognizable.

 

These men started off as complete strangers that occasionally showed up at the local bar back home, BARbarians. No one really knew they were friends. One day they had got to talking about road trips and things they want to do before they die. The two men figured going on a trip with a stranger would be more fun than dealing with the people and problems in their lives. So they drunkenly made a pact that come April, they would make the long journey to Vegas. I guess they won't be fulfilling that lifelong dream."

 

This was then leaked to the local authorities and newspaper. I staged my identity as a journalist who interviewed a neighboring room. However, if the authorities attempted to contact the witness, he/she said he/she would retract everything he/she said -- - he/she had a fear of police. So, everyone just had to trust my story. It slowly got picked up and the story became the truth. Additionally, since Jack is the owner of BARbarians, it would be easy for him to corroborate seeing the men at the bar on multiple occasions.

 

My connections in the psychology world allowed me to access to cadavers to represent the "two men." They believe that I am conducting an experiment on brain functions. 

 

Turn anyone into a gambling, prostitue-obsessed villain and it makes it 10x easier to get rid of their indiscretions.